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|  | Screwed Up Hamtaro Episodes -RATED PG-13-
« Thread Started on Dec 6, 2004, 5:17pm » | |
This is a very retarded "fanfiction" I came up with but was a famous one on fanfiction.com but Alas, here it is. This is rated PG-13 for language, violence, and some sexual content, enjoy.
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Screwed Up Hamtaro Episodes
1. Can you rape a pig?
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I don’t own Hamtaro nor do I want to anytime in the near future.
It was a sunny day; Hamtaro came rushing through the tall grass over to the Ham-Ham Clubhouse. When he got in, he screamed with shock.
Oxnard: What’s the matter Hamtaro? (Oxnard was nibbling on a sunflower seed.)
Hamtaro: There’s a huge pink thingy outside!
(Bijou comes sprinting out of her room, running right into Hamtaro, smashing them outside. Hamtaro finally realizes he’s outside.)
Hamtaro: NOOO!!! I WANT IN!
(Hamtaro snatches Bijou and runs back inside. Hamtaro gasps for air. Everyone else stares at Hamtaro with suspicion.)
Boss: Hamtaro, are you sure that was sugar you brought in to the clubhouse?
Hamtaro: There’s a huge thingy out there!
Boss: Hmm. As in a huge object, or genitalia?
Hamtaro: It is pink! And fat! And has a snout! And a weird tail!
Maxwell: Maybe you are just high.
Hamtaro: What does it mean when you are high?
Maxwell: Well, if you really want to find out, bring back a mushroom that looks like this.
(Maxell draws a sketch of the mushroom)
Hamtaro: Eww! Mushrooms are icky!
Maxwell: Don’t worry. These ones are different!
Hamtaro: Okay!
(After Hamtaro goes out the Ham-Ham Clubhouse, Dexter moves over to Maxwell, looking disappointed.)
Dexter: You know he’s looking after a psilocybin mushroom right?
Maxwell: Pfft... no. I just sent him out to get some food.
Dexter: Oh Jesus Maxwell, you know that “shrooms” do weird stuff to you, human and Ham-Ham alike.
Maxwell: Hmm, I’ll have to do some study on that.
(Meanwhile, Hamtaro is looking around, trying to find the mushroom, when all of a sudden, Hamtaro hears a low-pitched growl.)
Hamtaro: Who’s there?
(The noise continues until, Hamtaro sees the “thingy”.)
Hamtaro: AHHHH!!! STAY AWAY!!!
(Hamtaro starts sprinting frantically around in circles. Hamtaro then notices the mushroom that looks identical to the one Maxwell told him about. Hamtaro grabs one with his mouth and speeds all the way back to the tree house. Meanwhile.)
Dexter: Do you even know what high means?
Maxwell: Uh... hungry?
(Dexter groans but finally Hamtaro slams into the door, opening it, with mushroom in mouth.)
Maxwell: Gorsh, I’m starving here, I-
(Hamtaro suddenly eats the whole thing. Then burps)
Maxwell: You idiot, now what am I going to eat?
Hamtaro: Uh... I don’t know. Seed?
Maxwell: Yeah, like I haven’t heard that one a million times.
Hamtaro: I was also chased by the pink thingy!!! So I lost 5 pounds out there! I had to eat something!
Maxwell: You don’t even weigh a d**n 5 pounds!
(Hamtaro stays silent for 10 seconds.)
Hamtaro: Well, why don’t you go out there a see the pink thingy yourself?
Maxwell: All right then, I will.
(Hamtaro shudders in fear as Maxwell opens the door and goes outside.)
Maxwell: Oh, nothing to worry about. It’s just a harmless little pig.
Pig: Oink Oink? Poink?
Maxwell: See? It’s nothing but a cute little oinker.
(The pig suddenly eats Maxwell.)
Hamtaro: OH MY GOD!!!
(Hamtaro closes the door furiously and starts to wail uncontrollably.)
Boss: What the hell are you doing Hamtaro?!
Hamtaro: The pink thingy ate Maxwell! WHAAAA!!!
Boss: That pink little bastard! We’ll show him what for!
Hamtaro: We will?
Boss: Nope, just wanted to sound cool.
Hamtaro: Crap. Maybe there is a way to save him.
(Boss suddenly noticed Hamtaro’s eyes dilated.)
Boss: Are you okay Hamtaro?
Hamtaro: (voice breaking) Sure! Never Better!
Boss: Hmm... you sure?
Hamtaro: Yeah! I’m going to go rape that pig!
Boss: God d**n it Hamtaro, don’t rape the d**n pig!
Hamtaro: TOO BAD!!!!
(Hamtaro skips outside and head for the pig.)
Boss: No! Don’t rape the pig you idiot!
(Hamtaro climbs up to the pig’s butt and starts to hump it.)
Boss: Hamtaro! You’re committing suicide and you know it!
(Hamtaro then crawls up the pig’s butt.)
Howdy: Well that lil’ rodent crawled up dat lil’ oinker’s ass!
Pashmina: Eww! That’s sick!
Penelope: Ookwee!
(Hamtaro was in the intestines, trying to escape the maze.)
Hamtaro: (Singsong) I’m in a tunnel... a tunnel, tunnel, tunnel!
Pig: Wee! Wee! Wee! WEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
(Hamtaro vision suddenly becomes all rainbowy.)
Hamtaro: Wow! Cool! I see the air and the tunnel!
(As Hamtaro crawls up, Maxwell goes down the intestines and hit Hamtaro in the head. Hamtaro looks up and sees a pissed off Maxwell.)
Hamtaro: Oh! (nonchalant laugh) Hi Maxwell. Umm… how are you?
Maxwell: YOU f**kING BASTARD!
(Maxwell starts beating Hamtaro into a bloody mess. Then, just before Hamtaro dies, a tsunami of stomach acid attacks the Ham-Hams from inside.)
Maxwell: NO GOD! HELP ME!!!
Hamtaro: (gurgle gurgle gurgle)
(Meanwhile)
Snoozer: Where are Hamtaro and Maxwell?
Boss: Holy shcrap, you’re awake?
Snoozer: Yup.
Boss: That’s cool. However, a certain Ham-Ham that humps pigs is not.
(Suddenly all of the Ham-Hams hear the pig scream outside.)
Boss: D**n it Hamtaro!!!
(When all of the Ham-Hams got outside and saw the pig, the pig threw up and out came Maxwell and Hamtaro. Hamtaro was dead and All of Maxwell’s lower torso was skeleton.)
Bijou: Oh no! He killed Hamtaro!
(For no reason, Kyle (from South Park) opens the door and comes out.)
Kyle: You bastard!
(Then Kyle vanishes.)
Maxwell: That idiot, now I’m like this forever!
(Jingle then appears and walks over to Maxwell.)
Jingle: Here’s a song of my bro’s C.D. Dig it!
(Jingle then plays Lithium by Nirvana.)
Cappy: That was awesome!
Jingle: Thanks, next time, its Radiohead!
(As Jingle walks away, everyone is happy.)
Boss: That’s a great song.
Dexter: Yeah, but Courtney Love isn't really that... well, she sucks. I mean Hole? Come on! You must be high!
Penelope: Ookwee!
(Just when everyone was happy, the pig stepped on Howdy and killed him.)
Boss: Oh (expletive).
(The pig then killed everyone by stepping on him or her.)
THE END.
-The End-
!ThE EnD!
(Oops, sorry about that. My typing goes crazy when I’m done with a story. Here’s the actual “The End”.)
THE END!
(NEXT EPISODE! CHAPTER 2, PINK COCAINE!)
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